We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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