You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
