my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
