You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize