did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
