Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
