Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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