I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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