On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
