Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
where are my eyebrows?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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