Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
false alarm, still single
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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