I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
