So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
