i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
