I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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