I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
