So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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