It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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