Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
