I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she looked like the before picture.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
