Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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