Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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