At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
