so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
