So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
