Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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