it hurts more in the daytime
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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