I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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