and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
