I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
