I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize