Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
