my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
