Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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