i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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