PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize