I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
