Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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