she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
