Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
