Do you still have your period?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
