I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
