i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Houston, we have a blender
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
