I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
