If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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