We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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