wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
