It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
