All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
