I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
