Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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