I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
