I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
