Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
