while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
