I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
