Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i believe in u and ur pee
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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