and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
