would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize