a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
