One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
