He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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