god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
